Ok, I go to a huge university in chicago. Here is the thing. I commute there and basically have no life. Had one gf about one year and three months ago that was a total disaster even though we lasted for over a year. So yea my problem is I am incredibly shy. Basically if I was given the option to jump out a 5th floor window or talk to a chick I would take the window. I need advice!!! I am dying here. Please help.

ok, people who know me are going to laugh at this... I'm shy too. Use to be alot worse then I am now. Now its mostly large gatherings that get to me.

In high school I was painfully shy. But like you it bothered me & I knew I had to change. I used my college campus to do it. I figured new surroundings & new people. I decided to do one "un-shy" thing everyday the first month.

Just saying 'hi' to a stranger would make me light-headed, shakey and break out in a cold sweat. Many days I didn't follow through. But after awhile smiling at somebody & saying hi was fairly easy. So 2nd semester I decided that at least once a week I had to say more then hi & actually talk with someone. OMG, talk about panic attacks!!

I still hesitate when meeting new people & wait for them to talk 1st and I'm not good at carrying a conversation. But for the most part it worked for me. It was a long slow change. Give it a try... small steps until one day you can say hi to the pretty girl in history class without having a heart attack.

Good luck!!

Can't rule out that some level of social anxiety disorder may be involved, in which case there may be a chemical cure...I'm just shy myself, but wife has a genuine fear of being out among crowds, which she copes with well enough to work but doesn't evereverever leave the house otherwise...

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Very true scotzoid, hadn't thought of that.

rzande1, have you mentioned your shyness to your doctor? Wouldn't hurt.

This is very true. It may also be psychological. I spent many years deathly afraid of people, not crowds, but individuals. I would literally make worry so much about what I was doing that I would make myself sick (sometimes to the point of throwing up). It took a long time to realize that I could be ok around people.

But I digress. Teddy Bear is right, it's a slow step by step process. Find something you like and know about and see if there's a group that is also interested in it. You're not looking for a date, just practice speaking to people, and it's always easier when you can speak with some confidence.
Good luck. And hey, Chicago is great, wander downtown, I'm sure you can find something to do.

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“Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.” - Buckminster Fuller

"A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself." - Guildenstern, “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead”

Yea I wouldnt doubt it. My best buddy thinks I have depression, social anxiety disorder, panic problems, etc. He takes me to a bar and i practically crawl up into the corner and rock back and forth. I mean it is bad already because on one had i have no problems if it is entirely professional. If it is personal, i am totally lost. I mean it cant be normal to be in college, be a senior, and have yet to hit on any woman. If a chick starts to talk to me i am like running as fast as possible.

Been there. Hope to never go back. You can do this, though. It's not easy, but you can do it.

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“Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.” - Buckminster Fuller

"A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself." - Guildenstern, “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead”

Hi rzande1

Do you make up poor excuses for not going out on social occasions? "I'm not feeling well", "I have loads of work to do" or maybe "Yeah sure I'll meet you there" when you actually have no intention of actually turning up not just now and again but virtually every time you're invited out.
Do you go all hot and sweaty when presented with this kind of situation, feel like you're trapped and need to just hide away somewhere like a toilet because you know no one will follow you in there and you can spend a few minutes composing yourself before getting back out there? Do you find it easier talking to people online rather than face to face? If you've been to a place before and you didn't freak out too much are you more willing to go there in the future? When you commute into college do you keep to the same journey every day? Do you start to get anxious if your bus/train looks like it might be late? To the point where you again feel like you need to get back to a safe place and maybe even go home and just pretend you're sick that day?
When you're in a comfortable situation do you come out of yourself and become very social? maybe even really over the top?
Do you kid yourself that you'll have more fun staying home and watching TV or playing on your computer than going out into the real world?

If this is you (notice I've not even mentioned girls) then I would suggest there may well be a medical problem. Once you get the above sorted then the whole girl thing will sort itself out!

So what do you need to fix the problem? Here's what I had to fix me:
A wonderful doctor who was very sympathetic
Seroxat (known as Paxil in the US)
Lilith (Who suggested I might have social anxiety and whipped me until I went to see a doc THANK YOU lil! )
and Loulabelle who wasn't turned off by the thought of a potential boyfriend with what is to all intents and purposes is a mental illness.

What would I have if I didn’t make the changes??
Well I got made redundant from my job the day I started on Seroxat I’m sure a big contributing factor was the time I refused to work for a couple of days in an office a couple of hundred miles away from my comfortable office.
Living with my parents feeling safe and never going out spending all my money and time on computers so I could chat to people.
Generally being miserable!

What is my life like because I made the changes?
I’ve been through a couple of jobs got myself a great job after being more comfortable and confident in interviews (actually got offered 3).
I’ve been to Italy twice to appear in small movies!
I’ve moved out of my parents house to live with Lou 90 miles away from “home”
3years down the line and Lou n I are now married and went all the way to Bali to do it!!

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*smiling and crying*

Oh babes....I love you. xxx


rzande1 - listen to this man....he could help you a lot. x

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Well still nothing at all. I guess I am not cut out for this game of manipulation and bad intentions.

Just shows you are a person of principle and will not be taken advantage of. Keep at it - and don't be in too much of a hurry. Good things happen to those that wait. Don't rush into any situation just cuz you feel like you need to be in a hurry!

I just dont get how all these total MORONS of guys have these girlfriends that fall all over for them and yet I am almost the perfect bf (as i have been described) and yet my ex cheated on me after 14 months.