I realize that what I now write is of no interest to some Pixie people, of marginal interest to others, and of somewhat significant interest to a few special ones. Even that interest, I’m sure, won’t live very long soon becoming a thin memory of someone whose name will slip your mind very shortly. Still, it is important for me to write this. It is important say good bye and not just delete myself from your lives with no meaning, no reason, no one last, final, strong hug.

My participation in this discussion group will end shortly. Many of you know why I came here. Many of you know that I came with, and still have, low self-esteem. I came seeking affection, attention, validation as a person and as a man. Many of you saw the scared, insecure, and, yes, foolish old man underneath my posts. In summary, I came seeking the attention and affection I was not receiving at home. Part of me wanted to take one last chance to find out if I was in anyway a worthwhile man who did deserve love and attention, etc. That my be one reason why I jumped so strong and so fast.

I now know that I am someone someone could love. I am a good man with qualities attractive to women. There is no reason why I should not have affection and attention and even passion. I can
only use eight letters and one space to show so large a gratitude that can never fit into such a small space: Thank You. Please know that behind those two words are feelings, emotions, and
tears. I thank you all so very, very much.

Pixies is not a good place for me. Perhaps it is as simple as age. Pixies seems to be for younger people, more playful, more secure, I don’t know, more open than my generation. My generation blew open the doors of perception and convention with a sudden explosion of color and music and dance, and acid. You guys, however, have been living in the world we opened for a long time now. You guys went in and settled down. You wrote the constitution for a world of wonder with freedom to love and live and be happy. I am pleased, to a degree, with what you have accomplished. I really don’t think I fit in here though.

Pixies is opening me up more and especially my sexuality. Really. It is just not fair for a near 53-year-old man to start changing. I don’t think I have the energy I once had to go through this.
Change, growth as a human being, can be hard work. It can also take more time than I can afford to devote to it. I’m just not as free as you in your 20's, 30's, even 40's. The 50's decade is very
different. As a sidebar, be prepared to have your world flipped over in ways you cannot imagine later in your life. The 50's, at least for me, contains another identity crisis. The identity crisis of
the 20's–who am I? Where am I going? Why an I here?–returns in the 50's. Ouch. Not fair. I must answer those questions again.

Back to my point. I will take what I have learned about myself while in Pixies and use it to reshape my life as best I can with what energy and time I have left. I will work my ass off to get
my needs met at home with my wife of 24 years. The attention and appreciation I have felt here gives me the boost (I hope) I need to make that happen here at home. I am too old to play too far and for too long away from home. Besides, you guys play too hard. I can’t keep up.

Before I close, permit me a little advice please. Read it for what it is and take as much as pertains to you. Be careful in your relationship now. A lot of you are married. Be careful. I did not see this coming, but you too may find you and your spouse looking at each other ten, fifteen, twenty years from now asking each other: “What happened? What happened to us?” I know now for truth that if our needs are not met at home, we look elsewhere. Please, be careful guys.

One request if I may. I would like to keep my Pixies open for awhile. I hope for and ask for anyone of you to post a response to this, a good bye LarryL, you crazy old hippie dude. Please. I'm sentimental too.

(I save things to read later. Some quiet evening in 2014, I may sit by the fire, read your precious good bye words, and smile remembering the brief and wonderful time I had Pixies back in 2004.)

I do love you,
Larry