well maybe one thing you can learn in your open discussion here on this thread .... you're not alone ... very few people have it all figured out ... public speaking is hands down the biggest fear in the western world .... and speaking to people you don't know yet ... well, its very similar to public speaking in that regard ... it's not easy .... is there something you do or read or listen to that helps get you in a bit more of a social mood ... if so, make use of that as a way to psych yourself up prior to events that may present an opportunity to meet others ....

One of my favorite quotes goes something like this .... when we first do something new that is very difficult, it is nearly impossible to do, but then as we continue to do it, it becomes easier, not that the nature of the task becomes easier, but our ability to do it is increased .... TeddyB's comments are so on target .... but if you suffer major physical reactions, then also consult with a physician, they do have a variety of treatments (not all of them chemical) to help people deal with anxiety issues.

Best of luck!