Oh Kaelynn, just imagining what you're going through makes me shudder. My g'ma is still alive...but I dread losing her. We have much the same bond you describe. I honestly don't know what I'll do when the time comes. But I do know this much: She would want me to do what was right for me, as she always has. In my case, I would want to be there with her...but that's me. If I couldn't do it, she'd understand that too.

I also remember what it was like when my mother's mother (g'ma S.) died....I didn't have nearly the same relationship with her; nor, for that matter, did my Mom. But the feelings of loss, powerlessness, and overwhelming responsibility for absolutely everything built a living hell for my mother that summer. I don't regret not being there when G'ma S. died, and I don't regret opting out of the viewing. I have no memory of her in her coffin, and I like it that way. But I very much regret not being more of a support for my mother during that time. You're each going through your own private hell right now, and I think you're right that you have to do that in your own ways...but I'm sure she's trying to do right, as wrong as she might be. She's losing her mother....don't compromise your principles, but don't make it worse for her than it needs to be.

Remember we're here for you always, and I wish you and your entire family peace in these next awful days.

G