It saddens me that you have such a dismal outlook on your life. If you have desire and passion you can use those emotions and the drive to overcome anything. I truly believe that. I'm not familar with your affliction, but there are always ways to find coping mechanisms, no matter the age. I'm not sure where you are from, but surely there are governmental programs that can aide you and help you on your road of discovering your potential and dreams.

All the negative self talk is very self serving... if you want to be nothing you can talk yourself into that and live up (or down) to the expectations you have set for yourself. Turn the attitue around and have some positive self talk and you just might find that you can turn your expectations in another direction.

It's all up to you, you need to decide what person you want to be, and how you want to live your life ... just know that it doesn't have to be the picture you are presently painting in this thread, unless you choose it to be.

Good luck.