Something has been on my mind for some time now, and to be honest, it is driving me crazy at times, so I feel I need to put it down... On a cold November night, roaming endlessly through the chat rooms in search of something elusive...I quite by accident encountered someone who caught my eye. After messaging her we began talking and right away I felt drawn to her. She had to cut things short, but she asked to add me and told me that I was not getting away from her...an odd choice of words, but I looked forward to talking to her, which I did the very next night.

As time went on, what started out as chat grew into something more...I began learning about who she is, things about her life, including some very intimate and private matters, things she normally does not tell people (according to her) unless very comfortable with them. I found myself opening up to her, and we would talk almost every night online for hours on end. It was not uncommon to look at the clock and see the sun about to rise as I logged off to say goodnight to her...

Finally sometime in late January I had to say something and told her that if given the chance, I would want to pursue things outside of the virtual realm...I was hoping that perhaps she shared this desire but, unfortunately, while she said she loved our time together, she enjoyed her comfort zone...yet at the same time, she said that the thought of me dissappearing made her whimper and cringe. While a little dissapointing, it told me that 1) she does feel something for me and 2) even though she is not comfortable with moving into the real world with this at the moment, the future is open.

Well it is four months to the day since we first met, we still talk quite frequently and have explored and talked about all sorts of things...after taking the advice of a friend (*hugs Jenna*) I decided to give her my phone number and told her I did not expect any reciprocity, but if she ever felt comfortable with taking that next step, and wanted to hear my voice, it was there. She said she would write it down but said nothing more about the matter.

I will admit, I have not felt this way for someone in a very, very long time. I think about her every day, and each time we talk I feel as if another layer is peeled, something new is revealed and I feel just that much closer to her. At first I doubted what I felt, after all, the net does make things easier sometimes to connect/talk with someone due to the annonymity of it all, and sometimes I doubt, is this real or fantasy? I have to ask, as I know there are members here who have found the love of their life through an online relation, or have experienced something similar in their life...how did you stop crawling up the walls? I know if this is to work, I have to go with her level of comfort, to not push, and I have done so...but sometimes I feel as if I am going out of my mind, trying not to read into things she says or does and just take them at face value. How to put your insecurities to rest and just go with things?

Somedays are easier than others, that is for sure...but any insight whatsoever is greatly appreciated. I am sorry for the long winded post, and as is my want, I probablly did ramble at some point heh. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

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"And as we all play parts of tomorrow, some ways will work and other ways we'll play. And I know we can't all stay here forever, so I'll write, my words on the face of today...and then they'll paint it" - Shannon Hoon