LOL I always heard the variation, "I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brains were on fire!"

I once said to my boss of a co-worker, (the company idiot) "he couldn't find his ass with both hands & a road map"

wife (the country girl) says, "as full of shit as a Christmas turkey"

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.