I'll say as a rule of thumb if one of you has to get dressed and go home pretty quick afterward, it's most likely fucking. Lovemaking from my point of view is an all enveloping endeavor. It's how you treat someone before and after the sex that defines it. You might say from a guy's point of view, it's the state of the heart not the hard that makes it loving.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery