My sex life is a mess and I don’t know what to do other than vent here at Pixies in the hopes that I can find an answer to my long-time problem. I’ve been married for over 10 years to a really wonderful man. We have a great life together and are still very much in love. We have so much in common, but inside the bedroom we are opposites. He’s older than I am so that plays a small part, but my sex drive is ten fold of his. He has some minor health issues that makes him not feel 100% and that is a huge part of his lack of sex drive - I think. Day to day he’s very affectionate, hugs and kisses, we hold hands all the time, snuggle on the couch, but we only have sex once a month when times are good, usually it’s more like once every 2-3 mths and it’s not spectacular when it happens either. We’ve talked about it a lot and he’s said that not feeling great makes it hard for him to get in the mood. I have tried to be very understanding since not feeling good is no fun and I realize that at least for most people pain and sex don’t mix. We’ve talked a lot about this and I’ve explained that we need to improve our sex life and he said he’d be interested in having sex more too and that we need to liven it up that after 10 years together it’s just humdrum. I am very interested in trying anything and would love to let loose sexually with him, but I never have because his lack of interest makes it all too awkward so things don’t get too wild and overall when we do have sex I am never satisfied. It’s not ridiculously boring, like some posts I’ve read where sex only happens in the dark of night almost fully dressed. We watch porn together, I wear lingerie, occasionally we enjoy oral, but there’s not a lot of passion is mainly what I’m getting at. I have tried to be more aggressive since he did say he wanted to improve our sex life too, but the timing is always wrong and he makes it clear that it’s not going to happen. Like he’ll say wow, I’m exhausted tonight when earlier we talked about messing around. Now I could take charge and attack him anyway, but at this point I’m so discouraged and have learned from the past that it wouldn’t be much fun if he’s not in the mood and it’s hard for me to throw myself at him. I'm a sexually charged person on the inside, just not on the outside. I need the right environment...like maybe some alcohol to be as aggressive as I want and not be inhibited. I’ve spent my whole life struggling with my sexual nature and being sexually deprived, I’m just getting tired of it. I don’t know what to do, I could say that I’ll put more effort in and take matters in my own hands when I’m really in the mood, but I know I won’t do that. We’ve already had the conversation a million times and we always say we’re gonna try. He feels like he’s expected to just instantly perform and I explained it’s just the opposite. I told him when he’s not in the mood that we could just snuggle, play around a little and that it doesn’t have to end with intercourse, hell that’s not the best part to me anyway. We say all of this and then nothing changes. Like I said earlier his health plays a big role in this and it’s hard to get mad at something that’s out of your control. On the other hand I feel like a little effort would be a good thing here. I think he needs to be more open to my wants, like if I’m in the mood and asking for intimacy that he should let loose and see what plays out, I won’t get mad if we don’t have full blown sex, but what does make me mad, and also feel unloved is to have him turn away from me…so to speak. Outside of the bedroom we are extremely active people so the not feeling good thing makes sense as far as him getting in the mood and getting his pal to cooperate, but if we have energy to run around all day we can play around at night. I’ve tried getting him drunk to get him in the mood and that doesn’t help. I just don’t know what to do. I wish just standing in front of him naked would do the trick, but his sex drive is pathetic…or is it? I know he pleasures himself, not a lot, but if he found me during these times I’d feel like we were having enough sex. I know that’s much less effort and I have no problem with him doing it occasionally, but if he’s in the mood why not include me? I look great so it’s not that I’ve fallen apart. I thought that was it originally, but I’ve lost a lot of weight, not that I was at all fat prior, but that didn’t do it. I know he finds me sexually attractive, he's always hinting at playing around, but then we don't do it, it's like tonight you're all mine and then the evening comes and goes and he's too tired, we get home too late whatever. Why we didn't do it at that time I don't know! I’m at a loss here. I love him and can’t imagine life without him, but how much longer can I deny myself sexually. He’s older than I am so this is only going to get worse. What do I do? I hate to even say this, but if I traveled on business trips…which I don’t I’d be so tempted right now. Would I do anything, I hope not, but who knows with the way I feel. Is there any hope for us or should I find another way to vent my energies and not worry so much about our sex life? I know so many people where the only thing good is their sex life and they won't make it. I'm the lucky one considering, but yet I want it all!