Are you referring to the post over at electriclover.com? I thought the problem there was that that woman was asking guys she preferred picking up at bars to treat her that way/talk to her that way. She was not interacting with people who "played by the rules"--the sane, safe, and consentual idea. I recall I was concerned the woman was going to end up badly beaten or dead.

We have plenty of experts on the subject of BDSM here, whom I'm sure will give you plenty of suggestions.

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Communication is the key.