My kids are 8 and 12 now, but I remember when they were 3,
if I felt myself losing control, I'd put them in a safe place and tell
them that mommy needed a time-out. I'd go into another room until I calmed enough to deal with them in a safe way. Since then I've always tried to separate my issues from their behavior.

They will have enough of their own issues to deal with, without
heaping mine on top of them too !!!!!!

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What is essential is invisible to the eye
Only with the heart can one see rightly.