I have not told this story in full to amy one but my psychiatrist but I am in an unburdening frame of mind. My friend Kyttn is so brave and a truly lovely person and she shared the pain of it as did Summer.

To beraped is something that shreds you and makes you feel indescribably dirty and unclean. The mental scars are far worse than physical. You never forget you just learn to live with it. Knowing that others know you were raped is hard too. It makes you feel like damaged goods.

I was in the australian air force as an apprentice. We all lived in shared accomodation, there were about 1000 airmen on the base. I had been to the base cinema and decided to go for a walk before going back to my block and bed. I was walking by the squash court which was dark and away from general foot traffic areas. a couple of guys approached me and one wanted to fight me. I hated fighting and refused he said that I could fight or pull down my pants and wank myself if i didnt. I called him a cunt and tried to run away but the other guy tripped me. the first one started punching me and the other one held me. 3 other guys came out of the squash courts and they all carried me inside.
They pulled of my jeans and undies and held me down over a chair and one by one rammed themselves in to my anus.

It was exceptionally painful. I bled and was found sobbing by a cook going to work. He called the air force police and i was taken to the base hospital. Then and to this day i cannot remenber the face of the guys. It was dark but my mind was clouded with terror.

Until 15 months ago I had been unable to remember this, i knew there was something scary in my past but as i was also the victim of child abuse as a child I thought it was that. Only after i resolved things with my dad and was able to forgive and love him did these memories surface. It explained a lot of why I am such a wreck emotionally.

From what i gather i was not given any counselling at the time.