Likewise DB - if it actually causes either party to say 'Ouch' then it's too much. I like the psychological buzz from being dominated occasionally - having my hair pulled (when it was long) or my arse spanked, but to be honest, there are other ways to get that buzz that are just as sexy and don't cause any pain at all. I once had quite a good experience having sex somewhere I shouldn't have been, and in order to keep him quiet, I held my hand over his mouth the whole time - added a kind of edgy twist and a slight menacing quality to the whole experience but no physical pain at all.

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