God bless our reporters—and their editors!
 

THE YEAR’S BEST
[ACTUAL]
HEADLINES OF 2004:


Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
[imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that’s taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin’ lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[let’s see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have a bearing!]

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren’t they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Texas Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[nuff said!]

Lmao

LMFAO The Governor is MINE!!!!! Damn girlie got stopped at my Walgreens passing forged scripts. :spin:

:grin::grin::grin: ...that's what happens when they try to dumb it down for good ole john q.-they're the ones that end up sounding stupid

How can reporters help it when these are the stories....http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/18/ba...h.ap/index.html

OMG!! yet another brilliant darwin award nominee

:confused: Second floor?

Obviously she didn't know how to tuck and roll. :D

She didn't want to spill her drink in the roll :devilish:

LMAO

Yup Lil, it's those famous last words... 'Watch this!'

Ummm, er, about that panda thingy ...

Whose name is the offspring going to use, the vets name or the pandas?

Just thought I'd ask.