Enablers vs. Hardass
 

I was talking with a professor about this yesterday and wondered about you guys.

I'm not an enabler type person. You won't be getting warm fuzzies from me when you fuck up, especially if you did it for selfish reasons knowing what you were doing. An accident is a whole 'nother story but purposeful shit I have no patience for.

So I am working with a co-operating teacher who is the exact opposite. If you act up she takes you aside giving you her personal attention and will put her arms around you etc. You get her undivided attention and sympathy when you misbehave.

I'm wondering which type you are more like, hardass or enabler???? Are there some people that cause you to act in the role of one or the other when you are usually the opposite?

I'm probably just like you..I really have no sympathy for people when they fuck up because of the selfish reasons especially lol. I really can't picture myself showing someone that kind of 'enabler' care when they've acted up.
You got it right Lil..I'd definitlely be an a 'hardass' lol, but if something has been done on accident...now we're talkin something completely different.

Excellent topic Lilith... I wish that I were more of a hardass, but for some reason I find myself being an enabler, and not particularly liking myself for it. I think the hardass' keeps me more honest. If I know someone will be an enabler I'm more likely to take advantage of it. I don't personally like having it pointed out to me when I screw up, so I try to avoid screwing up with a hardass. Now, if only I could figure out how to be more of a hardass and less of an enabler, my life as management would be MUCH more rewarding.

I am pretty much a hard ass. I have lots of sympathy for people and am a good listener and will offer advice and help but I don't let them off the hook for whatever the problem is. I tell them to fix it and get over themselves. Nicely of course. :D

I'm such an enabler with people I care about, but a hardass at work. I have no tolerance for someone not doing their job, especially when I'm not asking too much.

I'm more of an enabler than a hardass. But certain shit I simply don't put up with. I'll make sure you know how I feel, make sure you deal with it, but I try to do it in as non-threatening way as possible. I hate making people feel bad about themselves. They might have done something that's fucked up, but they themselves aren't fucked up (ok, some people are wayyy fucked up)

I have what I call my saturation point. Push me to it and we're history (literally). Unfortunately/fortunately for me, I've reached this point in the past with family members. So maybe I'm more of a hardass than I realized...?

i read this post this morning and thought about it for a while and i realized i'm very inconsistent. i guess it depends on the mood i'm in as to how much i am willing to coddle or how short my fuse will be. i think i tend to be more unforgiving with people who are not my friends or family but i'm gonna work on this, try to be more consistent.

I tend to be very up-front and maybe even a bit of a hardass. But if you've proven yourself to me before, you *do* get quite a bit of slack before I cut bait.

I am an enabler (hello your the hardass) ;)
most of the time.

I have learned over time that if I define the expectations then they know what I want. I do not give warm fuzzies, I give credit were credit is due and inform people when they have fallen short. I have had meetings where I asked the person what they would do differently and what we have learned from this issue. They generally do not let it happen again. So Soft Hardass?

My psych says I'm an enabler. Lived with 2 alcoholics in my life. One being my dad. Just being told what I was doing has made me more aware of my feelings and how low people will stoop to manipulate you. I'm not perfect but I'm working on saying "NO MORE" now in my life and not feeling guilty about it. Baby steps.............:)

Is this a true dichotomy?

I am both...and more. I've had psychiatrists and psychologists tell me that I change my personality to fit the situation and person and that I have no patience for B.S. That was a long time ago. However, I found it very useful when I worked in public radio for many years. Of course, it begs the question..."Who the hell am I?". :confused:

mostly a hard ass