Old Sayings, Proverbs, metaphors
 

...twisted. Post your favorites. Example:

he who lives by the mixed metaphor shall put his boot on the other foot!

To be or more likely not to be isn't a question but a prediction.

A bird in the hand means less shit on your head

A journey of a thousand miles begins with you already worn out.

To be or not to be ... those are the only possibilities.

He who is able to undo this know shall have a lot of rope left over.

Live by the sword die by the pen

Necessity is the mother of two bathrooms in a house with kids

When life hands you lemons, throw rotten fruit at the stage.

Time heals all wounds ... except those too serious!

That which does not kill be had better be able to outrun a bullet.

A stitch in time .. will take a lot of thread if it's a big clock you want to stop.

May the bluebird of happiness crap all over you.

Laughter is the best medicine - and hear we've been told to wear masks.

We do but stand on the shoulders of giants: who have been turned into a puddle of goo by everyone standing on them.

"Freedom is not free." In fact with inflation it's going up steadily!

Do unto others as they would do unto you, but do it first.

The way to a man's heart is between the 4th & 5th ribs.

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be crack whores!

Know yourself. In the biblical sense.

The squeaky wheel gets the high repair bills if you take it to a garage.

All roads lead to those paved with hellish intentions.

The truth will set you free .. so you can throw away all those keys.

Seek ye the truth, and the truth shall make ye strange.

Hell hath no fury like .. a baby with poopy diapers.

Always be yourself. Unless you're a dick. Don't be a dick.

The grass is always greener if you have artificial grass with green imbedded in the material it's made of.

If every cloud has a silver lining; therefore, silver is so common as to have lost its monetary value.

To continue with your "old saying" ... while every cloud has a silver lining .. equally true is that every silver lining has a cloud.

When life hands you lemons, let them rot before throwing them at the next idiot politician.

Keep Your Friends Close, but Your Girlfriend Closer. :D

One vulture does not a spring make.

Don't count your chickens in on a cattle ranch.

It's like making a mountain out of a single drop of water.

Love is a many splendid and complex thing.

We need to bring the people of the 21st Century back into the Stone Age.

You Can Lead a Horse to Water unless it's a Clydesdale, in which case he'll have a Bud.

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody around to hear it, do all the squirrels and birds and insects that use to live in it move into your place?

Silence is golden ... noise refines it!

Virtue is its own reward; but then, so is vice.