Well this thread certainly ranks up there as interesting. LOL

Mark, I was right there with WI shaking my head when I started reading this. *Oh damn, here he goes again* I thought. But Sharni's right, I shouldn't take all at first impression. You asked for honest advice, so here goes.

My suggestion would be to not even think of this girl as a potential bedmate. (Hang on, let me explain.) This lady has reservations, blocks as you call em. Be a friend to her first. Communicate with her. This, by virtue of your posts here, may be a bit of *ahem* a challenge to you. Nevertheless, step up to the challlenge. Talk, but more importantly, LISTEN to her. She's got reasons for feeling the way she does about sex and sexuality. I balk at thinking that you, or anyone else, should try to change her mind, but there's nothing at all wrong with showing her how beautiful and natural sex and sensuality can be. If I may make a suggestion, study up yourself. Read a book or two on the subject. I don't mean insert tab A into slot B type manuals or fuck-a-thon erotica. Instead books that explore sensuality and the spirituality of sex.

Now then, when I suggested that she not be considered a bed mate by you, I mean back off. It really sounds as though this lady is feeling pressured by you. That's why she's giving you excuses every 2 seconds, as you put it. Perhaps she fundamentally feels she should wait till she's married. Or, just simply, isn't ready yet. That's her choice, not yours. Support her choice and be a friend to her. If you aren't willing to be patient or to wait, then she isn't the right sexual partner for you, or you for her. Now if things work out and you two form a real, solid relationship and BOTH of you CHOOSE to share it together, then great. But there is a LOT of talking and listening that need to happen first.

My two cents.

P.S.
I also think it would be a wonderful idea for your friend to come visit us. Pixie's has a wonderful way of opening people's minds and attitudes, showing us that sexuality is a beautiful part of life. Oh, and in as much as we'd all love to see her, let her post her own pics, she'd probably appreciate that. :)

Ok *pulls up car and hit breaks eeeeerrrrrrr* quite a mouth darogle. Just to clear this up I am not expecting just to insert tab a into slot b as you so elequently put. No I am trying to help her explore her own sexuality. I do respect and understand that it is her body her choice. I have even hinted gently *nudge, nudge* that she try and pleasure herself, well at least try to.

The only way one finds what feels good is to take a grab and grope away.

Then with that little experiment under her belt she would put herself in a far better position instead of saying that it (sex) is dirty.

I'm not sure how or why I'm back, it must be that human nature to stare at a train wreck, I don't know.

I agree with the idea of giving her the website, let her explore it at her own pace, and she shouldn't feel compelled to be an active participant until she is darn good and ready. I know that I wondered the threads and read for a long time before I ever thought of replying to a post. Pixies (new and old) are an eclectic group of opinions, knowledge, experience, beliefs. And for the most part Pixies are an accepting group of people. I'm confident that she could learn a lot here. But she needs to have the desire to learn, to ask, to explore, to experience. No one can, or should force it upon her. We all come into the exploration and realization of our sexual and sensual selves at differing points in our lives. Somehow I think these points of exploration and realization are maturity related (just my opinion) and not age related. As we are all well aware age does not equal maturity.

As for communicating in here and the concept of newbie vs old timer. It's there, and even though I've been around long enough, I still feel as if I'm quite new. I don't feel I've broken my shoes in and am often reluctant to speak openly, particularly when I think what I have to say might be offensive to a large audience. But that's ME... I'm shy and conservative that way. I certainly know better, and realize not everyone acts or reacts in the same manner as I do (although more than once have I thought the world would be more pleasant if everyone were like me :) ). It's the best thing I can offer as far as advice in surviving a online forum. Think about what you type and how it might be perceived by the audience, recognize we are individuals and as such think, act, and react in differing manners.

Mark, I hope that you and your friend can grow from the experience that is Pixies.

I was referring to books that discuss techniques rather than insight, not you. You asked for advice, I gave you the best advice I could think of. Don't want it, don't ask for it.

Ok thanks for clearing that one up darogle. I'll have a look.......

My story
 

I was a virgin when I was introduced to this site by a "friend." He had me read various stories to me and told me to look around the site. That is when I first ran into the chat room.

The first time I was in the chat room I remember being asked if I was a member I wasn't... I didn't know what it meant to be a member... I can't remember who it was but they were angery that I was intruding on their chat room. I left for a long time, I finally came back and ever since have been addicted to this place. I must say that is the only bad experience that I have ever had on pixies... I have never been or felt like I have been attacked... one reason I was so surprised to read this thread... I don't think I have ever seen someone ripped like this... anyway...

This site helped open my mind, before when my "friend" and I started talking I had VERY reserved feelings of sex and anything like it. I was determined to stay a virgin till I was married... He continued to work on me and I am not upset that he did... I finally did give him my "V-Card" lol and I fell in love with him. He on the other hand did recipracate, instead went for his uncle's new wife's sister. No bitterness I swear it, I love the time I had with him and now see why we couldn't be together. In fact I still love him a great deal, and I am so glad I had the chance to experience sex with him... ok getting off topic... lol

Point of the post... let her run around here on her own reading posts will help open her mind, but don't push her on the subject. It was my idea to have sex with him and he questioned me many times before we did it, I ended up begging him.... she will have the idea with time... as did I...

Well thank you for that insight. I didn't lose it until I was 21 myself.

Mark,

Only a couple of days ago you were posting about another girl called Amy, who you were seeing over Christmas, so I assume you've not been 'wooing' this girl for very long.

If you really like this girl and you may be falling love with her, then I'm sure it won't bother you to know that you may have to wait a LOT longer to have sex than you've already waited. A friend of mine recently confessed that she was with her boyfriend a year before they had sex and in the following 18 months of their sexual relationship she never had an orgasm. She's never masturbated and was never really 'switched on' to sex and the guy in question ended the relationship in the end (probably due in part to these factors).

While I can't tell you the thing to say or do to get her to open up sexually, I can tell you that trying to persuade/plead with/cajole her in any way at all are sure fire ways, not only to push her away from you, but also probably mess her head up even more about sex and relationships for the future.

I'd say if you're prepared to love, cherish, be faithful and nurture her indefinitely without the slightest hint that you may EVER have sex with her, then by all means, go for it - you may be just the kind of guy she needs, but if you're not prepared for that, don't even consider trying to have sex with her, it'll end in tears, and they'll be hers.

Ok. Not to worry I ain't rushing it. I'm looking for advice on this. And that was yet another that was spot on. Anymore?

Hi Mark,

If it were me, I would do everything I could to make her feel comfortable around you. Share a bit of yourself, when the subject turns to sex, let her have all the info she wants and get her to understand as fully as possible whatever she is curious about, even if you feel a little embarrassed about sharing certain things, she will sense you letting your guard down which will encourage her to do the same. It sounds to me like the "block" you speak of is made of doubts and anxieties which she needs information and reassurance to destroy. She needs to be the one to break it down - you can help, and help a lot, but you can't do it for her.


Not that I'd know. But I'm good at spinning a line of bullshit, ey? ;)

^^^^ *sitting on the sofa...eating popcorn and drinking a Coke*

No Bel, that was good BS. You are right about the anxities and self doubt. The best thing that I can do is give her all the info she needs. Then leave myself open like a book if she has any questions.

* glances at Lixy:rolleyes2……………….. nods ……………. “A LOT of dynamics going on here, ah?”:confused: …………… “Pass some popcorn please.”:) *

Yep, PF Ya know I've always believed that if you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves............

The digs are not helping...back to the original question or just leave it alone :)