No I have it on blow instead of suck.



Standing on the corner in DC and someone asks how's tricks?

The disappearing elephant one didn't work.

The passenger asked the stewardess, "When will we reach L.A.?"

FIVE MORE MINUTES!

Should I have yoghurt or toxic waste for breakfast?

I think you should go for both.



As you're stomping through the snow you are asked "did it snow last night"?

No, the cottonwood trees were spilling their seed.

Up in the sky, is that a hawk soaring?

No it is a UFO.



Drinking a steamy cup of coffee " is that hot"?

No, it's just forming a lot of gaseous ice. :spin:

Going up to the ticket counter in the airport, "Can I buy my ticket here?"

Sure, but the price is your soul.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

I don't know, what is it?



At the airport counter " Is this where I catch my plane"?

No, we keep all the airplanes outside.

Is there a doctor in the house?

No he lives down the street.


Can we have some of that?

This that or that that or some other that that I'm not aware of ... that is the question?

Going south for the winter this year?

No, I'm going all the way north, just so I can spit in Santa's face.

Is it raining outside?

No, theres a giant pissing on you.


Why, are you getting wet?

Because I am under a lovely Pixie lady.



Have we met before?

Before what?

The neighbor as you get into your car asks, "Going somewhere?"

No, I just like to sit here an listen o the radio.

As you're dozing off in the middle of a conversation,
"Are you tired" ?

No, just trying to remember what I did with my earplugs.

I see you bought some beer .... getting ready for the football season?

No, I'm preparing a stash of bottles to break for the next riot.

Are you speaking English?

I don't know is that the language you are hearing?


As you are struggling with a heavy object, " Do you need help with that"?

Yes, it would be exceptionally helpful if you would decapitate yourself with a chainsaw.

Have you lost your mind?

No I know where it is and it isn't mine anymore.



Are we having fun yet?

I'm sorry, I can't speak for you.

Standing under a sign lit in red with the letters " E-X-I-T ", the man asks, "Do you know where the exit is?"

Couldn't tell you.


Where is the backdoor?

Along the front wall, of course.

Am I being paranoid?

Nah! It's natural to want to cower in a dark corner.

To the man getting his mower out .. "Getting ready to mow the yard?"

No dog needs a hair cut.


What's up doc?

You noticed my erection and still don't know what it is? :yikes:

Your neighbor sees you outdoors and asks< "Working in your garden?"

Wanted to work in yours but can't get over the fence.



On your knees looking at the ground, "What you looking at"?

I thought I'd lost one of my blades of grass, so I'm recounting those in my yard to see.

Your spouse/so comes into the kitchen just as you drop some bread in the toaster. "Making some toast?"

No, I'm perfecting my bread-to-orbit launcher.

Have you changed your shirt?

No it has always been the same shirt.



Can we please have quiet?

We can, but only if all the noise stops.

Getting all dressed up for dinner?

Figure they wouldn't like me nude at the restaurant.



Are you home?

My home is the world. Get off my lawn!

After flipping the light switch several times, and still standing in darkness,
"Did the light burn out?"

No you forgot to pay your light bill.



After trying your key in the car door 3 times, "Is this even my car"?

No, aliens stole yours and replaced it with an exact duplicate.

After trying a microphone, and getting dead air,
"Is this thing on?"

Yes it is on it is just the operator.


End user asks" were is the any key"?

It's the one just to the left.

Is that rain I hear?

No, it's just that really tall guy next door watering his lawn.

Seeing a man choking he was asked, "Something go down the wrong way?"