Suk hard? Yes i do! Vacuum saleslady looking for that guy that i can demonstrate my wonderful new machine on. It comes with all sorts of awesome attachments and tools. Are your floors in need of a cleaning? I am ready to get down and get my knees dirty! Let me be the one to show you the real meaning of a job well done.

Done is what I want to be! Lonely 38 year old virgin is tired of waiting around for Mr. Right. I am willing to lower my standards. So if your between the ages of 21 and 75, can still get it up and want to know how it feels to pop an old cherry then PLEASE give me a call NOW!!!!!!

Snap On Tool looking to sponsor a Lesbian baseball team

Team Spirit...do you have it? Frustrated college basketball coach needs some satisfaction for players. looking for a nice single slut of a woman with the regular amount of holes to service the whole team nightly after each practice. room and board provided as long as you bring the lube, protection and toys :D

Toys and baubles to play with. Professional toymaker looking for a living doll of my own. Let me dress you. Let me play with you and I'll build you a house to live in; an Ibsen-esque Doll House of your own. Must be willing to share with toy soldiers and let me film it. Come to Toys-Are-Us. I live behind the alley.

Alley cat ... true tomcat, looking for a pussy cat to wake the neighbors. Let's climb the fence and meow at the moon. I bring the Tender Vittles. You bring the excitement.

44 yr old horny housewife, needs someone to satisfy her every need and hole. I am at 3986 Brown Lane. Ignore sign that say this place is protected by Smith and Wesson, and come in the back door so as to elude the pit bull, in the front yard. And if there is a huge 4X4 truck with mud on it outside, it is probably the owner of the Simth and Wesson.

Wesson oil lover....... seeks partners to wrestle with. :D No experience needed. :D

Can you send me the application?

Yes ma'am. :D

applications wanted........45 yr old divorced bisexual cowgirl needs help on the farm.
Must be aggressive and not afraid to get your hands dirty. Room and board provided.
Only requirements are that you are experienced in rope tying. :p

*laugh* I have references if you're still talking apps

Tying me up? That's what Poppa needs. Looking for a little girl complete with lollypop and pigtails to rope an older man in with her Lolita charms. Nympthettes need only apply. I'll supply the red plaid skirt .... preferably Catholic.

Seeking take charge female person to acquire and secure rambunkcous steed......experience required in handling of steed and training of such, to ensure potent potential is nursed and brought out in an explosive manner at the peak of growth.Working conditions are generally stated as wet and sticky....and one may be exposed to some internal bruising.

Bruising my butt with your hand is what this bad, little girl needs. Looking for a Daddy who is good at doling out punishment and making me feel like the naughty girl I am. Must be authoritive, can lecture me on my behavior and willing to put me in my place.

Bi lady looking for woman that can use a flogger (provided) and who is experienced and can teach me how to be proficient in using a strap on (also provided). You must be a non smoker, but can be short, tall, chubby, busty, flat, etc etc. You must be female.

Female looking for male or female that would love to make videos together.
Equipment and props supplied.

Skilled female labourers required.....must be good with hands...flexible and know the general area....constant interaction required to ensure fulfillment of assigned tasks and complete satisfaction of clients

Clients doubling as lovers wanted. Come in and get your monthly physical. Then go home with me and get your needed satifying :D. I can go for hours due to installing air pump and chamber in my schlong. Just pump me up and stay hard for hours :D
Call Now for free trial!

Damn I feel special!!!!!! My quote on your ^^^^^^^ signature! :)

Very cool indeed!

(now to get back into the game)

Trial is almost over, so how about a hot night out on the town to celebrate? Seeking a hot, fun loving woman for dinner, dancing and maybe more...may also have to be very patient as I may be gone for the next 10-20 years.

Ten to 20 years. Looking for another serial monogomist to cohabitat for at least a decade. Don't worry we can use labels on our property. Intimacy for more than a score of years not wanted. After all, people change. Submit resume and a head shot to 1-800-REAL-IST. Inquiries welcome.

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. Amnesiac seeking mate who will leave all baggage, family, and friends at the door. Must provide a loving home, all furniture, and be willing to train someone who has forgotten all job and social skills. I'll be waiting for you at Starbucks.

Starbucks ... can fairytales start there among the pierced and hipper than thou coffee barristas and foamy capps? You smiled at me over your book and I hid my mine ... for the record, it was Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but promise me you'll tell no one. If we had a moment, e-mail me at [email protected]. Please include favorite verse.

Urgent!!! Unwashed nerd with bottle-base thick glasses that keep slipping down seeks like minded mathematical genius for all-night, no-holds-harred, full-on matrix theory action. Please enclose full calculator photo.

Photo Pro in search of willing subjects to fill the pages of up and comming fetish mag. Must fit into one of the following categories: extemely small penis (almost non existent), peculiar genitalia, or very well endowed men (only ones that hang past the knees need respond). We hope to get lots of responses, so we can get the first issue out and in stores.

Stored-up frustration? Mild mannered man into straight sex, oral sex, DIY, toys, S&M, role-play, anal sex, golden showers, scat, gang bangs and orgies, gas mask sex, branding, bestality, incest, mummification, fingernail removal and hysterectomy seeks shy, virginal, mild mannered similar minded lady for fun and friendship. Need not apply if you've already had a hysterectomy.

Hysterectomy patients need not apply. Men in search of a woman with a womb. I am Arthur Earnest Higgenthorp IV and I need to produce an heir for my pre-fab bathtup manufacturing empire. We supply the entire Tri-county area. Must be open to primogeniture hereditary rights. Barefoot and uneducated preferred. Will get you pregnant.

Pregnant woman looking for men with a fetish. Seeking out multiple men who enjoy both gang bangs and pregos. Hoping to get the action started ASAP, so please don't delay in getting back with me. You can email me at [email protected] Only non camera shy, well hung men need apply

Apply your make up with a garden trowel? Is your hair teased 4 feet high? Do you wear spandex short shorts to formal functions? You're my kinda gal! I like my women just a little on the trashy side. You must be attracted to beer guts and greasy t-shirts. Sound like heaven to you? Drop me a line.

Hard cock seeks soft vagina for one night stand ... although sitting and laying down are acceptable..

Acceptable hardon in search of accepting pussy.

Steamin' Semen for Good Ol' Eggs. Deposited Within.

Within these walls you can let your imagination reign freely. Open your mind and try whatever you've only fantasized. And when we're exhausted, I'll unleash upon you, Lilith!

Lilith and I looking for bevy of beautiful sex starved nymphomaniacs. Must be virgin.

Attractive woman wanted who especially like serving men orally. Removable dentues a plus. :)

(I thought you were supposed to use last word of last post?) :frown:

Plus sized guy seeks minus sized girl to control and beat like redheaded stepchild. Please send stats mine are 50-90-70. Would love to start with webcam.

Webcam pictures may be sent to me by women who want to get close. We can then meet on the Underground in the rush hour and press our bodies intimately against each other.

Other people say you're ugly? Me too! Let's get together and see if we can stand the sight of each other. (Bring a paper sack just in case) email me at [email protected]

doublebagger.com seeking new talent. Must have hour glass figure and a face that could curdle mud. All eligible applicants guaranteed work. Earn up to $1000 in one day! Send e-mail with face and full body shots to [email protected]. Remember the farther you go and the uglier you are, the more you make!

Make extra income ... become a part of the fast growing (pun intended) adult entertainment industry. No previous experience could be a plus. :p

Plus sized men! Lingerie Company for men seeks men with big luscious Man-boobs to model our new line of man-bras. Bro-Bras come in a variety of manly colors and team emblems, as well as camouflage, and hunter blaze-orange perfect for hunting season. Please send chest shots to [email protected] No experience required.